At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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