We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
