Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
