Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
