The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
