you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
