i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
