i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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