You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
