oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
