she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
