I will die if light touches me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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