I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
