i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All the doctor said was why
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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