i jhust puked up my retainher.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
