these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
