You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
