so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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