Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i think i just lost a toe
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
