Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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