He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
