it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
