my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
