I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
