Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
im holly from the hills drunk
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
