My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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