my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm both gender and math confused
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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