Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
