he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
this just has baby written all over it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
