At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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