Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
