I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
