i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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