3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
