I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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