ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
