i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
