Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
