She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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