He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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