the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
