there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
