i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
