I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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