I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
