you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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