At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
