I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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