how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just found puke in my bra..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
