Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
