yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
